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Jun 3, 2016

If Nicolas Cage Played Every Character In Game Of Thrones

Game of Thrones is by far the most popular TV show of the moment, so putting Nicolas Cage in the equation is an obvious thought going through people’s mind. Six seasons are enough to leave people bored with seeing the same faces over and over again, so a change in landscape is welcomed.

We can bet that they already developed a clinical name for the obsession with Nicolas Cage’s face, put face swapping is a guilty pleasure of today’s online environment.

Simulating how Nicolas Cage will log inside each role can also help producers make an informed and educated decision. Cage is such a versatile actor that no role is impossible to take.

Seeing Cage as one of the multiple feminine characters in Game of Thrones is not the result of a sick mind, but a reality in today’s acting practices.

Westeros was close to our medieval period if you take the dragons out of the bargain, and ladies were not quite like our current ideal of beauty.

Some fans of both the actor and the TV series have pushed the bar even higher and are willing to watch the show in which every major character is played by Cage.

Judging by the fact that Game of Thrones is basically a succession of monologues, this is not impossible to make. Of course, it would be a supreme feet of acting, but we trust Nicolas Cage is capable of doing it.

The only risk of appearing in GoT is that at some point you are going to die in an unexpected and bloody way.

1. Jon Snow

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Jon Snow is everyone’s favorite character.

We are not sure how many seasons of GoT are left, but we have to say that we can see Nicolas Cage playing the older version of Jon Snow. Of course, the bastard’s claim to regain the North was unsuccessful and the action is centered on the dreadful life at Castle Black.

Nicolas Cage would play an excellent role as a Jon Snow struck by a mid-life crisis, trying each night to drink himself to death together with the other brothers of the Night’s Watch.

Nic has an extended experience dying from alcoholism and he even won an Oscar for “Leaving Las Vegas”, the movie which makes you hit the local bar instantly.

But Kit Harington has nothing to worry, at least for now. Nicolas Cage is far from growing the curly black hair which is needed to attract the feminine audience of the show.

2. Bran Stark

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Bran Stark is a symbol of innocence, yet the last two seasons of the series have him develop supernatural powers in a way we did not expect.

Casting Nicolas Cage as Bran Stark would confirm the suspicions that there is something fishy about the actor, as previous clues have linked him with time travelling and vampirism.

Of course, the job gets tougher for Hodor, as carrying 80 kg of Nicolas Cage around is not an easy job, even for a man of his strength. Fans can agree that it would be quite funny to see Nicolas Cage as a paraplegic who gets into seizures from time to time.

Again we are tempted to see Nic taking on an older version of Bran, but the actor is not a personality who would settle for the reserve bench. Give Nicolas Cage a wolf and he will eventually command in the North.

3. Brienne of Tarth

Brienne of Tarth
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With her masculinity and with the ability to beat any knight in Westeros, Brienne of Tarth is the inaccessible woman who is always in search for someone to protect. Nicolas Cage would have no problems impersonating Lady Brienne.

The face, the unimpressed grimace, as well as the stature, all of them are easy to replicate by the actor. Judging by the fact that the chances of seeing Brienne naked are as small as the summer in the North, we have nothing to worry about.

Although transgenderism is not one of the themes in Game of Thrones, it is natural to assume that the producers will take it out from the hat if ratings fall in the seasons to come.

Looking at the picture, we try to remember if Cage ever played a role with a blonde air. Nevertheless, we can all agree that this the perfect role for Nicolas Cage to start his collaboration with GoT.

4. Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys Targaryen
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The fans of the Mother of Dragons will go mad when they will discover that the beautiful Emilia Clarke is going to be replaced with the less awe inspiring Nicolas Cage.

We don’t doubt Nic’s ability to take care of the slave-masters political problem, but we are convinced he will have a hard time imposing himself as the true ruler of Westeros.

Commanding dragons and the army of Unsullied will prove to be a real challenge for the actor used with “good guys win” kind of movies.

Daario Naharis is in for a huge surprise when he will have to film his next hot scenes with Daenerys. It is impossible to say “no” to your Queen.

5. Hodor

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Nicolas Cage is the kind of actor who really invests a considerable amount of time in studying the character he is going to play. Well, this time things change. With only one line to memorize, Cage will target his energies on non-verbal performance.

Of course, lazy kids fantasizing to have their very own Hodor to carry them to and from school will have to deal with the unexpected and shocking change of actors.

It is impossible for us to believe that Nicolas Cage will settle with a silent role and we can only assume that Martin has something great in store for Hodor.

Scenarios goes as far as putting him in pole-position to be the next king in Westeros. Everyone loves how Hodor structures his speech and orders will be clear as never before.

6. Jamie Lannister

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As the rumors that Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is going to be replaced by someone else in his role of Jamie Lannister have become true, fans all turned their attention towards Cersei, who is now facing a new potential incestuous lover.

Nicolas Cage has previously played roles in which a part of his body was missing and a golden hand is no cause of concern.

A potential problem is the fact that Jamie has gradually shifted from the fan’s attention and is now considered as a secondary role in the plot. We will have to wait to see how Cage deals with that.

7. Ned Stark

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Nicolas Cage has played on many occasions a dead character and the resurrection of Ned Stark will entitle us to believe that the actor has an intimate understanding of the supernatural forces.

It is enough to look at the picture above in order to see Nicolas Cage giving life to the famous words “Brace yourselves, winter is coming!” Cage needs to let go of his regular grooming habits if he is to play the rugged Warden of the North.

Also, he needs to learn the ways of Winterfell, like “dancing” with dire wolves, cutting people’s head for justice, and seeing your family butchered by more lucky families of Westeros.

Another popular hypothesis is that Cage will be used to film flash-backs from Ned’s life and that there will be no more miracles in the series.

8. Petyr Baelish

Petyr Baelish
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Nicolas Cage as Littlefinger is a scenario which was very often heard in the close circled of the Game of Thrones producers.

Although you would need to shrink Cage a bit on the horizontal axis, we can all agree that Cage holds the verbal flow needed to impersonate someone as skilled as Petyr Baelish.

Of course, all fans will miss the old Petyr, but they can also agree that a change was needed to freshen up the character. Growing a moustache is a challenge accepted for Nicolas Cage and living in the Vale might not seem as a bad idea.

We are convinced Nicolas Cage will act as a great tutor for Robin Arryn, filling his young mind with stories about all the great roles he has been trough along the career.

Seeing people thrown in the Moon Door is a source of infinite excitement and Nicolas Cage will never get tired of it.

9. Ramsay Bolton

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Cage has played before creepy roles, but this time it will be a real struggle. The cruelty of Ramsay Bolton has made any horror movie producer in Hollywood sit down and take notes in a state of sheer delight.

Cage will have to get used with a life of killing, flaying, cutting people’s beloved organs, and raping princesses. Cage is also in for a role which is probably the most hated in the entire Game of Thrones.

People will stop on the streets and toss salads at the new Ramsay Bolton, asking him when he is going to die.

Cage never played the bad guy to such an extreme, so the role has the potential to affect him on a psychological level.

Everyone fears seeing the Ghost Rider going on a rampage, and playing Ramsay Bolton can fuel an evil hidden for too long inside Nicolas Cage.

10. Samwell Tarly

Samwell Tarly
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First of all, Nicolas Cage needs to put on a considerable number of extra kilograms in order to resemble the old Sam as close as possible. Second, Cage will have to settle for a role which is by no means glorious or inspiring.

The poor Sam is in for a long and boring career of studies for becoming a Maester, and we are sure Cage hates the role he is trapped in. The only consolation will be the beautiful Gilly (Hannah Murray), but she has a child to take care of, so romantic duties always fall second.

Cage is in for a role of constant bullying and harasses and it will be a surprise if he survives unharmed until the end of the show.

With no Jon Snow around to protect him, Sam has to develop defensive skills. But judging by the rate at which they kill main characters, we are convinced Cage will not lose a lot of time trapped in GoT.

11. Sansa Stark

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The Stark fans are in for yet another surprise. After some of the Starks have been betrayed and butchered, while other have been gifted with strange supernatural powers, Sansa was the only left “normal”.

Of course, Sansa is not exactly normal after spending some time with the sadistic Ramsay, but at least she was not awaken from dead temporarily blinded.

The success of Game of Thrones resides largely in the potential of seeing a naked woman. If she is of royal descent, the better it is. But with Cage now playing the role of Sansa, fans will step on their toes to abandon this fantasy.

We are still not sure if Sansa is going to gain weight and put on a beard in the show, as a result of her failure to regain Winterfell, or if Nicolas Cage will be required to adopt a more feminine appearance.

We believe in the miracles made possible by diet, exercise, and a bit of plastic surgery, and are eager the see the complete transformation of Nicolas Cage.

12. Tyrion Lannister

Tyrion Lannister
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GoT directors will have multiple difficulties casting Nicolas Cage as Tyrion Lannister.

For starters, in order to simulate the small stature, they will never film the actor from head to toe, complicating once more moving scenes or those when he is together with other characters.

Of course, some have suggested adjusting the length of Nicolas’ legs in order to account for the new role. Cage has declared many times that he is willing to make any sacrifice for the success of his movies, and becoming a midget through a double amputation might be just one of them.

Of course, Nicolas Cage will never match Peter Dinklage’s, charisma and producers are entitled to fear that 90% of the audience of the series will disappear the moment Cage shows his face as the beloved midget.

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