How far would you go in search of that elusive perfect shot? Given the fact that you are still alive as you read the article, it is clear you never pushed things too far down Danger Alley.
Be prepared to meet the people that are different. Their quest for pixel perfection put them agonizingly close to wild animals and other hair-raising perils. And when it’s not dangerous, you can bet they look damn right ridiculous doing it!
1. That has to hurt!
Nothing scares photographers when they go on a hunt for unique shots! Not even a pack of cyclists sprinting at 45 km/h.
Something tells us it went bad for both sides involved. Half of the Tour de France peloton stampede the foolish sports journalist, wrecking his precious camera and putting him in the hospital for weeks.
At the same time, it cost the riders precious seconds in their pursuit of the Yellow Jersey.
The man obviously had no excuse to be there! Lying in the bike lane means that he would have been in trouble even under normal traffic conditions.
2. What could go wrong?
Camouflaging as a swan did not prove to be a lucky bet!
Well, it did allow him the chance to approach the majestic creatures, but that is where the bright part suddenly ends. Unexpectedly, this wildlife enthusiast saw himself in great peril, and all of it because of the bad timing of his photo expedition.
Hunting season makes even photographers dressed up with crude costumes fair game. Something tells us that shooting wildlife ceases to become ejoyable when lead comes your way.
3. Run, you fool!
This photographer is a goner!
The odds of surviving the Running of the Bulls with your rear end intact are slim even for those that pack light. When you have two massive pieces of equipment to carry around, it becomes mission impossible.
How crazy do you have to be to imagine the charging bulls can distinguish between adrenaline junkies and members of the press? Those animals are furious, and they will stop at nothing until they paint the streets in red.
Our hopes are that the man triggered his survival mode and chose his life over the expensive camera gear.
4. Submarine photography is the ultimate sacrifice.
Taking a great shot pushes some shutterbugs beyond the realms where common sense reigns.
Your average human being can hold its breath for less than 2 minutes. Is that enough to take an awe-inspiring photo? We don’t think so!
Seeing this poor fellow struggle to get a better angle by fully submerging underwater reminds us of a submarine and its periscope. Is the man relying on oxygen tanks for survival underwater, or does he hope evolution will go backward at a breakneck pace and give him gills?
5. Hey, man! Your tripod’s on fire!
Some crazy photographers are so dedicated to their work they end up completely cut off from reality.
Don’t get us wrong! We praise the courage of this guy who stepped on freshly solidified lava. What we can’t understand is why he just doesn’t run away the moment his tripod and shoes catch fire.
Give us the highest recognition in photography, and we would still prefer keeping our skin free from third-degree burns. A lava field? No, thank you! Just take us to the nearest park!
This man would not understand the meaning of “the floor is lava” challenge. He would lose every time!
6. Buckle up!
Nature is savage, and wildlife photographers are foolish to believe they are at the top of the trophic chain.
Eagles are splendid to watch, but you should worry the moment they get out of view. The unlucky shutterbug was too caught up with reviewing previous frames when the giant bird ambushed him from behind.
Another avid picture-taker was there to immortalize his downfall. Nevertheless, we know nothing about what happened next.
Was the bird able to run away with the catch or did the poor man barely dodged a bullet? As horrendous as it might seem, the first option would have fed the nest for weeks, giving the chicks the needed calories to survive winter.
7. Bring in the big guns!
Telephoto lenses are known to get big, but what this man attached to his camera is too much.
How could you expect animals to get comfortable with you around when your optical instrument looks like a small-size cannon? I mean, yeah, you could fool a squirrel or a birdie, but a bigger game will go out of sight the moment a beam of lights reflects from your monster lens.
Such oversized instruments are the main reason why wildlife photographers invoke back problems for their early retirement.
Oh, and let’s also mention you need to hit the gym regularly just to lift one of those babies.
8. Who won?
Tough question, right!
In direct one-on-one combat, there is no doubt the one carrying a deadly weapon would prevail. However, when you put things in perspective, the result is surprising.
The photo of the smoking gun might as well win a Pulitzer and raise awareness on a conflict conventional approaches have no way of stopping.
Even so, all clues point towards a tragic death for the crazy photographer that entered such an unbalanced standoff. Despite light being quicker than the bullet, we doubt the camera and the man behind it would survive the impact.
9. The most esthetic puddle ever!
It happened to all of us amateur photographers at least once.
You walk down the same street when one day you have an epiphany. The way light reflects on a mere puddle fills you with joy and gives you a glimpse of the higher purpose governing our universe.
Then, you go on your knees, obeying the artistic feeling that came alive inside your heart. It doesn’t last long! Like all magic moments, this one also passes, leaving you at the bitter disposal of reality.
You had stared all along at a muddy pothole which fails to attract even the local pigeon population. The sight of people laughing and pointing the finger at you burns like hell.
10. This one makes me look fat!
Most photographers have a hard time deciding which frame is better.
Average photographers ask their human models for advice and choose on their own on other occasions. Their crazy colleagues take their love for animals to the extreme and involve the poor creatures in the decision making process.
You can probably guess the consequences. The unlucky orangutan had to stare at the colorful screen hours in a row as this crazy photographer had high hopes of finally breaching the communication barrier existing between the species.
11. Let me show you how it is done!
Animal photography can get completely crazy when a monkey asks for the camera to change the settings.
Believe it or not, some of our friends from the animal kingdom are more proficient when it comes to using the Manual Mode. Years of stealing cameras from unsuspecting tourists finally paid off.
Haters will say this is fake. How can an animal master the ins and outs of digital photography, at least not when the rest of us need to pay good bucks for training?
Are we heading towards a “Planet of the Apes” reality? Let’s all blow the dust off your cameras and take a pledge to become better photographers, or at least better than our simian friends.
12. Now you know who takes these shots!
Impossible pictures of free climbers scaling rock faces always came with a burning enigma.
Who was even crazier to take the shots? Before drones and HD cameras teamed up, the job belonged to cuckoo photographers lacking fear of heights.
We have a slight hunch that the ladder and the man on top of it are not 100% secured against falling. Things can quickly go wrong when you have so many ropes, anchors, and harnesses. Not to mention the fact that you are required to move all of them just to change the camera angle.
13. Wedding photography is hard work
Most of you tend to ridicule wedding photographers for their bizarre tastes and unorthodox methods.
You are right to do so! Wedding photography is not the hard work it once was, not with the equipment and know-how available today.
However, some shutterbugs are not happy with the comfort and just can’t restrain themselves from leaning into hilarious positions. We doubt that shot was worth the hassle.
Sweeping the pavement with a squeaky clean white shirt is painful even to watch!
14. Matrix Reloaded
When most people get a hold of a camera for the first time, they tend to get theatrical.
Check out the crazy woman that though recreating a scene from Matrix would make her shots look great. Although the angle looks promising, we doubt the position allows her to keep a firm grip on the equipment.
Most likely, her shot is shaky and lacks proper focus. Don’t try this at home, kids! Here we have trained professionals, some of which spent endless hours in the gym.
15. Working with wild models
Crazy photographers don’t mind whether their models come from a catwalk or straight from the zoo.
Naturally, the second option packs difficulties one simply can’t imagine at the beginning. Check out the ordeal of having your head turned into a chewing toy by a naughty Bengal tiger cub!
When the wounds are not deadly, it pays off to be a wildlife photographer. Small animals are fluffy and playful, and only when you piss them off do they show their nasty side.
16. Is she still alive?
Continuing to take photos while riot police assembled in a phalanx formation marches towards you doesn’t exactly label you as sane.
Let’s face it! You have to be a bit crazy to go on the field and cover the mass protests that ravaged Ukraine some years ago.
We can’t hope but wonder whether the young woman survived unharmed following her bold initiative. The bigger the zoom lens, the less likely people are to consider you rude and intrusive.
A photojournalist acting so boldly close to the first line is a clear clue to why their breed has such a short life expectancy.
17. Bear decides to come have a look. Photographer ignores him!
When you venture into prime bear country with only but a camera for protection, people have all rights to call you crazy.
What attracted that brown bear and made him lose interest in the salmon run? Was it the prospect of having his picture taken by a professional, or the idea of stealing his camera gear? Did the man observe the beast in time to propose a convenient truce?
Some questions are better left unanswered. Bear photography is known to be one of the deadliest niches of the industry, as those furry guys are rarely satisfied with the results. Their frustration quickly gives in to hunger, and we all know how a bear maul ends.
18. That should be close enough!
Sometimes a zoom lens is not sufficient to take you where the action is.
That is why some sports photographers prefer getting as close as possible.
“That should be close enough. I will be all right.” Faith alone never stopped a speeding chunk of metal from crushing those who stepped too far beyond the safety line.
Admit it! There is a part of you that wants to see the next frames, be them of the impact, or of the narrow miss. Whatever happened, the man is close to snatching the crown for the world’s craziest photographer.
19. Hurry, before the bird poops!
Be they small or big, birds are a real danger when approaching your head.
Some say they have a pooping sensor that signals when is the worst time possible to have your head covered with nasty stuff. For this crazy photographer, the choice was not simple.
He could have returned home with a clean scalp, but also without the kind of shot that makes the editors of National Geographic say “wow.” The man took the risk.
His last whereabouts are obvious to what happened. We last saw him desperately covering his head in toilet paper and cursing the bird’s disgusting habits.
20. Cat bullied by photographers
Some animals are camera shy by nature. Just try to explain that to a pack of shutterbugs that went on a crusade to produce the perfect shot!
Crazy is a mild term for describing how these five behave. They torment a cat that is apparently forced to act against her will.
Like predators, they surrounded the poor thing from all directions. Caught in a low gear, the cat’s only hope of survival lies in the camera batteries. The ordeal might extend indefinitely if the photographers were meticulous enough to bring additional ones.
We all know how cat photography is the best thing humanity ever produced. Nevertheless, people have no excuse for harassing those poor felines.
21. The fox smells something wrong
This fox caught enough winters in the forest to know that snow just doesn’t accumulate like that.
However, the animal suspects nothing wrong and is curious to explore. We hate to say this, but that is one fox waiting to be traumatized.
The man forgot to make an air opening for his bunker, and we are moments away from when he will resurrect out of his ice coffin to scare to death the innocent creature.
His shelter might be suitable for short term survival situations, but it is overkill for wildlife photography.
22. Birds and cameras
You don’t have to be an expert in camera gear to know bird poop is not something you would want on your expensive lens.
Don’t try to argue that with the photographer that attracted pigeons in a dangerous position just for the sake of art. He is about to find out the hard way why professional bird photographers use the zoom to keep themselves out of harm’s way.
The rats of the sky might look good on film, but they are a ticking time bomb. People should watch Alfred Hitchcock’s “Birds” and keep it close by for further reference of what’s the worst that can happen.
23. Peeking with a 100mm lens
When they are not busy doing crazy stuff, most photographers turn into the most indiscrete individuals you ever came across.
This genius here apparently lacks the engineering background to understand the scope of a closed door. He proceeds in using the keyhole in the shameless way imaginable. We doubt that flash of his can pierce through the wood, but it is worth a try, isn’t it?
Last time we checked, building your portfolio with such gems instantly recommends you for the position of celeb paparazzo. Let’s hope he knows dealing with furious guys like Alec Baldwin is much more dangerous and requires even wilder stunts.
24. Watch your back!
The road towards quality photography is paved with pain, curses, and an impossible to escape feeling that someone sneaks up behind you while you prep the camera.
What happened to that poor shutterbug might not have killed the hobby for him, but it was enough to make standing down impossible for the next month or so.
The bottom line is you don’t need to go all the way down to Spain to experience an adrenaline deluge involving bulls and their sharp horns. All you have to do is act distracted on that peaceful pasture that promises the most vivid of greens.
25. Falling is part of the job
Misspelling something as a simple as a letter can have dire consequences.
“Failing is part of the job.” That’s the motto this man should have had along when he embarked on the journey to take better shots.
Now it is too late. You don’t have to be a certified civil engineer to know the branch is doomed to snap at any moment, plummeting the man and his two cameras into the abyss.
What could have been that interesting to trigger such mindless tree climbing? Did he saw a squirrel coming out of a UFO?
26. Swan tracheotomy
Unsatisfied with the result and unable to learn a lesson, the photographer at #2 came back with a vengeance.
This time, he is carrying a much bigger weapon, one that screwed so hard with swan anatomy that it makes it look like a bizarrely shaped warship.
Alternatively, medical students can picture a swan that just had a huge tracheotomy.
Where are the hunters this time? Our photographer apparently understood when it is safe to roam the lake in search of the perfect shot.
27. When the model is cranky
Wildlife photography is notorious to go wrong each time the “model” fails to communicate politely it has seen enough camera action for one day.
In this case, an entire crew from National Geographic is on a run after the bear realizes they were not shooting “The Revenant.” Scrambling for their lives, the four have a hard time deciding whether they should leave behind their expensive gear. How crazy is that, right?
Even more recommending for the nuthouse is the fact that the fifth guy that took the fabulous shot managed to conquer his fear, stop for a couple of seconds, and capture the whole drama.
28. The Asian squat
We end the list with one of a hilarious breed of crazy photographers – the Asian tourists.
Be they amateurs wearing compact cameras, or professionals harnessed to the biggest of gears, they all need to squat in a very embarrassing fashion to get it right. Don’t ask us why!
The tripod is a technological breakthrough that failed to reach the Asian continent. Or maybe there is something in their culture that requires each shot to be accompanied by a Jackie Chan-inspired stunt.
Be warned! They are capable of getting in the stance at a blink of an eye. Just give them the space they need!