Do you remember all those awkward ways in which your family’s Christmas traditions used to embarrass you?
It might be a bit too late for you to delete the cringe-inducing evidence of your silly childhood. Check the article to see if you have reasons to end your life.
1. The Kids Are All Right
Imagine the photo without the captions in the lower section, and taken out of it holidays context.
What most people would see in such a scenario is a couple of serial killers enjoying a coffee before they start dismembering the two children. Why be swift when you can make them suffer for all the wrong things they did last year?
The negative potential is there, to inspire other parents in a dangerous way. Tying someone up with the Christmas lights installation is the cleverest and most original use of the excess meters of cable left.
There is one remote possibility for this to backfire. Once it became viral, the photo could serve as evidence in court. All it takes is someone making a phone call and reporting everything to Child Support.
2. The Family Sweater
The huge sweater reunites the four members of the family and three different states of mind.
We will begin with what is obvious. The mother and father exult because they were able to pull this one besides the children’s protests. All the ingredients are there – grandma’s infinite seawater, a wallpaper of the mountains you could not afford to visit, and the holiday mood.
Everything changes dramatically on the extremities. Lip-reading the boy on the right reveals “Please, just kill me! And burn all copies of this photo. I am in severe pain.”
On the other hand, the girl has a different attitude. Fed up with all the cringe-inducing scenarios tested each Christmas, she is repeating a mantra to keep her going.
“Just two more years with the creeps and I can run off with my boyfriend!”
3. Naughty Reindeer
The young generation gave the Christmas traditions new interpretations.
Who said that Santa Klaus should be an old man? Why hire genuine reindeer for the photo shoot when you can ask your friends a small favor?
The unusual setup fails to impress by not working on the details. Rudolf and his colleagues are not connected to each other, and that makes it impossible for them to drag the sled. Even the vehicle is strange. Who would ride hundreds of feet above the ground in a rocking chair?
Another aspect to focus on is what happens if the reindeer are lazy. Those two ladies would never say no to a good spanking. The real unfortunate is Rudolf. He has nothing to see or touch in front of him.
Blame your dirty mind if you see this awkward mockery turn to something else. Why is it hard for people to have their photos taken in normal positions?
4. When You Have No One Better To Play Baby Jesus
Re-enacting the birth of Jesus Christ is always a good theme to have your pictures taken for the family album.
However, there is always one problem. Who would play Jesus, now that the kids are too mature to accept the role? There is no passage in the Bible saying that dogs should never impersonate the son of God.
The importance of the role has a heavy toll on the poor animal. The pet will have a lot of things to do, like die for our sins and resurrect. Not an easy job if you spend your year running around the house and chasing your tail.
The blasphemy is too big to ignore. For those deeply affected by this dramatic display, we recommend exercising more tolerance. Jokes show that religious partisanship should be buried deep beneath the ground.
5. The Ginger Is Not Impressed
Taking a photo with Santa at the local mall should be the highlight of the Christmas season for all children.
However, the ginger is not impressed and feels miserable to take part in this charade. Those blue eyes have stared life, and they saw the emptiness that awaits us all at the end of the road.
Why celebrate, you fools? The happier you are now, the more depressed you will get in January.
Of course, we can resort to a more sinister explanation. Lacking the bottom half tell us nothing, but we can be sure at some point it gets uncomfortable for little girls to sit on the lap of old men.
To conclude, this photo should be kept close by. We might need it when we talk about the most notorious serial killers and the inception of their evil.
First plausible victims – the parents, everyone in the photo, and all who already saw it.
6. The Traditional Face Swap
Christmas is that time of the year when kids should be grateful for the parents they have, and try to put themselves in their place.
This happy family took the wise advice literally and chose to send friends and families a greetings card that gets well outside traditions. They failed to foresee that this was too much for good old grandma. May God bless her soul!
It might look odd and unnatural, but the face swap is a metaphor. We are all responsible for making the generation gap smaller. Using today’s meme can unite children and parents under one banner – have a good laugh and shock those that believe in powerful genetic manipulations.
Of course, we might get things awfully wrong. Maybe we have a rare case of ugly children and young parents. Whatever the case, dad deserved it! You could do better than that for a Christmas family photo.
7. The Fight For Presents
Families with more than one child always remember Christmas as that time of the year when sibling rivalry erupts at unprecedented levels.
Finding presents under the tree is an excellent opportunity to show dominance and draw clear boundaries. Like expected, the age difference is a huge tactical advantage, the one that lets you choose the best toys and the finest candies.
Parents can only sit and watch nature’s way. The strongest will prevail, at least until puberty kicks in to throw in some extra variables. The little boy/girl on the floor will never forget this humiliate and will most likely seek revenge in the future.
Including such photos in the family album might sound like an excellent idea, but it’s not. It’s very easy to justify and fuel violence just by showing your kids who which one was the boss back then.
8. Santa Is Not Happy
Families that have pets instead of real children are the worse.
We are not the only ones to say that. This is a confession coming from professional Santa Klaus impersonators. Yep, the guys that had the naughtiest brats in their laps, concluded that there is nothing worse than animals being animals, while their owners struggle to pose as one happy family.
That is rarely true. No children mean that someone did not want them or could not make them. Either way, the Christmas evening will drown them in either alcohol or sorrows.
The cat was obviously not happy with something. We are puzzled to see it ignore Santa’s long beard. We do appreciate the “good boy” for keeping its cool.
Cats usually go nuts around Christmas, and that explains why they ruin family photos or knock down decorations.
9. Find Waldo
Can you find Waldo? Someone should tell this innocent family that horizontal stripes are out of fashion since a long time ago.
Red is for boys and green is for girls. However, little Tommy on the right was small enough not to make a big deal about ending up on the wrong side. Call us crazy, but this is how you plant the seeds of being gay.
What is most disappointing is that the photo discriminates in the least expected way. Those who are color blind get a confusing message. Remove the colors, and you can say that dad brought his family over to spend Christmas together in jail.
Nothing yells louder “we are a perfect little family” than having matching pajamas. As usual, the kids will hate their parents for dragging them into all of this.
10. Deer Family
Monogamy is not a viable option when you are the dominant stag in the forest.
For this Christmas family photo, this lucky male brought to of his favorite deer. How can all of this be possible? Let’s just say that wearing antlers while taking a walk through the forest is bad.
Whether it was mating season or not, love fought all differences (even those species-related). A story that shows once more the magic of Christmas and its ability to bring people together under shared values.
However, the male deer ignored one thing. The two lovely young girls used zoomorphic symbols not of members of his species, but of reindeer. The strange threesome gets even weirder.
11. The Duck Survived That Christmas
Just a traditional Christmas family photo, except the young lad holding the duck in an upright position.
Thirst thought to come to mind is that ducks are terrible at group photos. Their lack of focus is legendary and facing the camera is out of reach.
We can all agree that the bird would have looked better in a different circumstance. Duck meat goes excellent with oranges, and this is the time of the year to have plenty of those.
On the other hand, we might have underestimated the role of the duck. Unusual as a pet, it can occupy a cozy spot in your heart, also providing eggs from time to time.
We are curious about the relationship with the dog. You are reuniting under the same roof the hunter and the hunted.
12. We Should Hide Daddy’s Nudity
All families are the same. There is always someone looking awkward in the family photo, making others feel uncomfortable.
Dad might have no inhibitions, but that doesn’t justify what he is doing. Those kids will probably grow up with the mental image of their father walking around naked around the house. They look normal at the moment the shot was taken.
Not the same can be said about the mother. We know how to differentiate a smile from a grin, and the lady is not proud of her husband’s lack of decency. Another year when she will have to justify to her parents why she fell in love with this creepy man.
Nudes are not bad, but disaster can strike men any time in the cold season. Why show yourself to the rest of the world when the “potential” is low.
13. Meet Abel, Cain, Eva, and Adam
Christmas time reminds us of the religious traditions we must cherish.
Although not a favorite of the season, the family photo that depicts the first family of humans is one of the lowest points you can explore, in your attempt to embarrass everyone.
Let’s face it! Nude family photos are never a good idea, especially when you put mommy so close to her pubescent son. We bet it took a lot of skills from the photographer to find that exact angle that hides the awkwardness.
Of course, Darwin enthusiasts will have a lot to comment on the alleged first family. What’s up with the elaborate bra and the red Christmas hats? Shouldn’t they have more body hair?
So many questions squeezed in the few pixels that compose the shot. Of them all, the most burning one is how to the leaves stay attached.
14. Peace On Earth
We exiled this photo towards the end of the list just because you might find it extremely offensive.
And it truly is, if you are a member of the weaker sex. Having stripped away from their most prized ability (to talk), the mother and the two daughters look hopeless and desperate.
The shot belongs to those that can boost a father and son relationship beyond the ordinary. What better bond than to unite against small talk, gossip, and nagging?
When the photo first emerged on the Internet, it created an unprecedented wave of criticism coming from feminists around the world. As far as we see it, the three girls are the lucky ones.
They are not supposed to hide their bodies in burkas and are given almost the same rights as men. What is wrong with dad having a little fun? Well, maybe the fact that he can inspire millions of other people that find his solution appealing.
15. Go To Hell, Camera Man
The girl on the left delivers the Christmas message all kids dragged into cringe-inducing family photos wanted to say.
Sitting on Santa’s lap is not a fun ride, and the whole concept of the generous old man is obsolete. In our days, kids know how to access the Internet before the school brainwashes them.
The middle finger says it all. The girl is well aware that Santa is just a man paid to do the job and that parents sneak in the midst of the night to unload the presents under the tree.
We see a lot of potential there. The girl smelled the rigged system early in life and will most likely be swift in debunking other stupid traditions that shape our world.
Santa is also aware that his job will be doomed in the years to come. The only one savoring the moment is the girl on the right. But her happiness is a time bomb. Who would break it to her?